Goboogo

Our driver in Bali, Merde Dana, has given us complete transparency into the inner-workings of the driver commission structure. He has come clean so to speak. You see, when you hire a driver in most developing countries, you not only pay the driver directly, but the driver is paid commissions indirectly through a number of opportunities. The driver will bring you to shops, restaurants, and shows that offer a kickback. We figured this out a long time ago, and I told Merde as much when he dropped us off at a $35 a plate seafood restaurant last night. After letting out a whooping Merde cackle (this guy lets out these high pitched laughs all the time), he realized that we knew his system. Merde went one further though, he told us specific breakdowns. For example, if he brings us to a Balinese show, and that show is 80,000 IDR, then he makes 20,000 IDR per person (9000 IDR = 1 USD). He even offered to give his commissions back to us.

This sort of arrangement exists almost everywhere that you can affordably hire a driver. We have noticed it everywhere from Bangkok to Cairo, excluding Europe. You can tell if you are part of the arrangement very easily. If your driver suggests a place to eat, shop, or perhaps even see something local being made, then you are going to be wasting time at inauthentic places. We try and avoid it.

Merde picked us up early and our first stop was a temple in Batuan. Very luckily for us, Unesco was filming a documentary on Batuan, and we were treated to a traditional Balinese dance called the Gambuh. I visited with a guy named Wayan during the dance, and he told me that the dance is unique to the village of Batuan. He said it was a very old dance and that we were quite lucky to see it for free. He asked where I was from and I said, "Texas." I asked where he was from, and he told me that we were sitting on the front steps to his house. In Bali, it is very easy to remember the names of men because there are only 4 names. Basically, every family names their first born Wayan, second born Merde, and the fourth born is Ketut. I cannot remember the third born. If someone has 5 sons, then they start over at number 5 with Wayan.

After Batuan, we took the snaky road up to Ubud, stopping by Goa Gajah. The girls really had the shopping bug, between the two of them, they purchased 4 dresses, 2 bracelets, 1 belt and 1 purse. The whole lot cost about $20. The shopping around Goa Gajah is decent, and while the girls shopped, Ryan and I visited a store run by a hysterically jovial Balinese dance Choreographer named Merde. We made up a "Bali Bali T shirt, Bali Bali T Shirt" song, and Ryan donned a cowboy hat and showed the owner a few new moves. We had a laugh, perhaps creating a new jingle for the store in the process.

After Goa Gajah, we chanted Ibu Oka, Ibu Oka, Ibu Oka with our driver as we made our way to the legendary Babi Gulung restaurant of Ibu Oka in the heart of Ubud. Babi Gulung means suckling pig, and numerous famous types have denoted Ibu oka as the best pork in the world, including Anthony Bourdain. A plate of pork, sausage, rice, crispy chip skin of pig, and spicy vegetables will set you back about $2.50. The pig was unbelievable, very spicy and very tasty. The restaurant was standing room only, and while we sat there, they almost went through an entire beast. Everyone must take their shoes off at the door and sit on the floor, and the whole dining experience felt extremely communal. Walking the streets of Ubud, Ryan discovered a new haggling method. After first hearing a price, he makes a very high pitched noise, and follows it up with some ponderous beard scratching. It seems to work much better than the previous strategy of shouting "hamburgers" at the merchant.

After some great Italian gelato, we made our way up to the mountainous region of Bali to visit the impossibly beautiful Lake Bratan. Lake Bratan is home to the temple of Ulu Danu, which rests comfortably a few meters into the lake. Although Kristin and I visited last year, a place as impressive as this never gets old. Kristin bought a bag of BBQ chicken cheetos en-route that tasted like Funyuns but were irrevocably damaged by the "chicken" moniker. We ate them nonetheless. Once at Lake Bratan, we took a stroll around the lake. We met a Javanese teacher named Indah with her throng of very kind students. She asked us a bunch of questions about America and the english language, encouraging her students to practice English on us. They really fawned over Meagan, who stood about a foot and a half over the petite javanese ladies. The teacher called me the chubbier brother, and I thanked her for the flattering compliment.

After Lake Bratan, we made the long commute home. It took us about 2 hours to arrive back at our hotel. We ate some crispy thin crust pizza for dinner. It was a perfect way to end the day.